My Muppet Show
by MarandaWrites
Summary: well, this is my first attempt at Muppet parodies and such.. I am on my way to making a full-length fanfic about them, but this story is preperation. UPDATED FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON! BING CROSBY!
1. Special Guest Tim Curry

Disclaimer: I disclaim absolutely EVERYTHING!! MWAHAHAHAH!!  
  
A/N: Muppets are soo cool, I decided to make them FUNNIER!!plus, I'm hyper..  
  
..::Muppet Show::..  
  
**Drums Play Kermit pops up** It's The Muppet Show! Tonight's Guest is Tim Curry! YAY **Music Starts** "It's time to play the music, It's time to light the lights, It's time to Meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight, It's Time to put on makeup, It's time to dress up right, It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight! **Waldorf: Why do we always have to come here, Statler: I guess we'll never know, Waldorf: It's like a kind of torture Both: To have to watch the show!** Muppets: And now let's get things started, Audience:Why don't we get things started, Kermit: It's time to get things started, Muppets: On the most sensational inspriational celebrational Muppetational, This is what we call the Muppet Show!" Gonzo blows his trumpet and a bird pops out and flies away...  
  
Kermit appears on center stage, "Welcome to the Muppet Show. We've had everything so peachy keen all the time, I wanted to say that from now on, things will be different! Funnier! Even Longer!" Waldorf, "Longer? What's the good part of that?" Statler, "Longer... We can take longer NAPS!" Both laugh "Doh ho ho ho!" Kermit shrugs off their snide comments and gets to the point, "Anyways! We have a great show for you tonight! Our special guest has been in many different movies, especially known for 'Rocky Horror Picture Show' and 'Muppet Treasure Island!' So please make him feel at home when he comes on stage! Now, to start things off right, we have a little song for you!! YAY!" Flailing his arms, Kermit walks off stage as the curtain opens to reveal a scene of Muppets dressed in black and Gonzo comes out on stage in a bright orange costume.. Music starts..   
  
(make a tune in your head..I made the lyrics) Gonzo looks sad, and he sighs as the music gets a little louder, even though it is a soft ballad..   
  
"I may come off as weird, but people, you should know, I'm fully aware, that the act has got to go.. but I slip on something different, in hope for attention, even if they want to be normal...I prefer the TENSION!" Music turns into punk.. "Cause I know what it feels like to be hated, but I never want to feel underappriciated, I dress as unusual as I can and in the winter I could get a tan, all cause I want to be myself not like those normal lame-oes," muppets that were in black run around and some flip into the air.. they all take the black off to reveal several different colors to show they are unique. Gonzo continues with the guitar he grabbed to play, "If they want to be unique, they should try not to feel so meek, In the big wide open world here, You gotta wrestle that fear, don't be afraid to be yourself anytime, just do it now, or pay the crime!" Gonzo runs around and dances with random Muppets, some of the others sing with Gonzo as the ballad becomes soft again, "We may come off as weird, but that's the truth that you all feared..and we will always prevail, we'll even wear shorts...when it starts to HAIL!!" Punk goes on again and everyone leaves the stage except Gonzo who hasn't noticed and is still singing..even while the music stops.. "I could walk upside down for a day, and still feel this way, and while you back me up--" Gonzo looks around and no one's there.. "yeah...when you back me up....thanks guys.. geeze..that's the last time I do an opening song with you!" ::End Scene::  
  
**Backstage chickens are running loose and Gonzo runs after one. Kermit and Tim Curry are having a little chat..**  
  
"..so after the party, it's the hotel lobby?" Kermit asked.. Tim just stared at the wall and nodded his head.. "After the lobby is the ..." Piggy intruded and started to blush.. (pig blush?) "Oh, Kermie," She started as she stared at Tim, "You did not tell MOI you were inviting HIM to our show..." Kermit sighed, "Piggy, you knew well enough he would be here.." Tim looked at Piggy and smiled, "What's the matter? Do you still feel butterflies in your stomach that you had for me when we did the movie 'Muppet Treasure Island?'..."  
  
Piggy laughed nervously and sarcasticly replied, "Of course not! Why would MOI waste time on vou when she has Kermie?" Tim shook his head and laughed as he walked into his dressing room. "Piggy, can I ask you something?" Kermit asked. Piggy did one of her poses thinking Kermit was going to ask something..special.. Piggy replied, "Of course, Kermie!" Kermit shook his head and retorted, "Would you get a grip??" and he walked near the stage as Piggy grunted in disbelief.  
  
**On stage Gonzo shoots himself out of a cannon. Kermit goes on stage as Gonzo appears behind stage looking like he stepped on a land mine.** "Well," Kermit starts, "We have another little song and dance act for you! Hit it GIRLS!! YAY" *Janice, Piggy, and other female Muppets come out on stage with outrageously short skirts on and tank tops. They hear the music and start to sing in a rock kind of musical ballad*  
  
Janice and Piggy, "Hey Guys! Look at us! We are women..no fuss no muss.. We can do what we like, say what we say, we could dress like this everyday! Men come and men will go, I guess it's just the way life flows..but you have got to know.. You better show..some respect or you will be thrown!! Make way for the women, without us you could not survive at all.. Make way for the women, hey! look new sales at the mall!! We pledge our allegience, to make sure we stand strong.. Don't you care that we've got feelings..If you don't then you are wrong! We will stand here.. we have no fear.. you think all we do is laugh and shop--you are wrong --we can even make Kermit HOP! We are powerful..don't forget it.. we could overthrow you men -you'll regret it!" *Dance scene..all the women dance around and Tim Curry is staring at the action on stage as the music stops and the women take bows..*  
  
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*Fozzie goes on stage* "WOKKA WOKKA!THANK YOU AND THANK YOU!! well, I have got a joke for all of you! What do you get when you throw a green rock in the red sea?" Fozzie looks around and Statler and Waldorf say, "Who cares? let's hit the beach! Doh ho ho" Fozzie shakes his head, "NO, you get a wet rock!! WOKKA WOKKA!" Tim Curry comes on stage while Fozzie is still there and applause erupts.. Fozzie bows and naturally thinks the applause is for him, but Tim pats Fozzie on the shoulder and he leaves stage. Tim says his gratitude to the applauding audience and he claps his hands together.  
  
"Well," He began, "I guess you audience are looking forward to seeing what I have in store for you... well.. it starts back in the 80's when I starred in a little movie called, 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show,' and here we have a surprise for you!" He walks behind stage and the curtain opens.. Muppets are cross-dressed and in their underwear. Piggy and Kermit are wearing the only normal clothing as they look around nervously..  
  
Rowlf limps over wearing a butler outfit and starts to sing, (A/N: umm.. tune to The Time Warp)   
  
Rowlf: It's astounding, Time is fleeting, Madness takes its toll. But listen closely  
  
Janice: Not for very much longer  
  
Rowlf:I've got to keep control. I remember, doing the time warp, Drinking those moments when, The blackness would hit me  
  
Janice and Rowlf: And the void would be calling,  
  
Chorus: Let's do the time warp again, Let's do the time warp again,  
  
Gonzo: It's just a jump to the left,  
  
Chorus: And then a step to the right,  
  
Gonzo: With your hands on your hips,  
  
Chorus: You bring your knees in tight, but it's the pelvic thrus, that really drives you insane, Let's do the Time Warp again, Let's do the time warp again..  
  
Janice: It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me, so you can't see me, no not at all, In another dimension, With voyeuristic intention, Well secluded, I see all  
  
Rowlf: With a bit of a mind flip   
  
Janice: You're into the time slip   
  
Rowlf: And nothing can ever be the same   
  
Janice: You're spaced out on sensation   
  
Rowlf: Like you're under sedation   
  
Chorus: Let's do the Time Warp again  
  
Let's do the Time Warp again  
  
Female Rat(friend of Rizzo's): Well I was walking down the street  
  
Just a having a think  
  
When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink  
  
He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise  
  
He had a pick up truck and the devil's eyes  
  
He stared at me and I felt a change  
  
Time meant nothing, never would again  
  
Chorus: Let's do the Time Warp again  
  
Let's do the Time Warp again  
  
Gonzo: It's just a jump to the left   
  
Chorus: And then a step to the right   
  
Gonzo: With your hands on your hips   
  
Chorus: You bring your knees in tight  
  
But it's the pelvic thrust  
  
That really drives you insane  
  
Let's do the Time Warp again  
  
Let's do the Time Warp again  
  
........................................................................................  
  
*Tim comes out on stage in his Rocky costume and starts to sing "Sweet Transvestite" but then while chorus is going on he quickly changes into a pirate suit and starts to sing "Professional Pirate,"*  
  
Everyone is backstage cleaning up after the show and Tim is in his dressing room in only a robe.. Piggy bursts in and starts to scream, "TIM!!! AAAAHHH I'm SOOO SORRY! I thought this was MY dressing room... I think I need glasses....hehehehe"  
  
.........................................................................................  
  
Waldorf wakes Statler up in the balcony, "It's over!" Statler, "really? How'd you find that out?" Waldorf, "Well, I can't hear anymore horribe singing..." Both "Doh ho ho!"  
  
end chap 1  
  
A/N: my first muppets fanfic more to come.. I will organize further shows better than this... 


	2. Special Guest Alan Rickman

Diclaimer: I don't own anything..but I wish I owned the guest star this chapter..  
  
A/N: This chap is inspired by CHARLOTTE!!! *Waves at Charlotte*  
  
::..Muppet Show..:: *Kermit pops up* "It's the muppet show with our special guest star, ALAN RICKMAN!! YAAAAAAAYY!!" **Song starts** "It's time to play the music, It's time to light the lights, It's time to Meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight, It's Time to put on makeup, It's time to dress up right, It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight! **Waldorf: Why do we always have to come here, Statler: I guess we'll never know, Waldorf: It's like a kind of torture Both: To have to watch the show!** Muppets: And now let's get things started, Audience:Why don't we get things started, Kermit: It's time to get things started, Muppets: On the most sensational inspriational celebrational Muppetational, This is what we call the Muppet Show!" Gonzo blows his trumpet and Pepe flies out of it...  
  
Kermit appears on center stage, "Welcome to The Muppet Show! Once again, this is one awesome show tonight as Alan Rickman is here! He has played in so many movies such as Harry Potter,Dogma, and Truly, Madly, Deeply. Tonight will be one special night filled with fun and-" Waldorf, "What's so special about the show tonight, Statler? I couldn't hear the frog.." Statler, "I think it's going to be special because they actually figured no one likes it and they will end it early!" Both Laugh "DOH HO HO" "Umm..." Kermit continued, "Anyways, let's start the show!"  
  
The curtain opened to reveal a classroom type scene.. Alan walks out in back of his desk in his Severus Snape costume and Muppets are running wild.. Alan yells, "SIT DOWN!" Muppets immediately sit in their seats. Alan tells everyone to open their books to page 45. "Kermie Hopper, will you please read for us?" Alan demanded. Kermit opened his book and began reading. When he was done reading the paragraph, Gonzo Longnose started to fly out of his seat, "WAHOO!.. hehe I always wonder why horrible things always happen to me, but this is fun!" He declared. "Kermie Hopper and his stupid fly-shaped scar!" Fozzie Malfoy and his slicked back fur appeared and Alan sighed. "EVERYONE SIT-" Alan started but was knocked over by Herpiggy Granger who was running away from the flying Gonzo Longnose. Alan was infuriated, "EVERYONE SIT DOWN OR ELSE-" Sweetums entered the scene wearing a very long beard and half-moon spectacles. "Fifty points to Gryffinbear for knocking Snape over!" He yelled happily.  
  
Kermie Hopper was looking out to the audience and laughing. "Well, I guess that means class is over" Gonzo said. Everyone who was still sitting got up and started to trash the 'classroom' and started to chant "We can do whatever we want, we can do whatever we want, we can do whatever we want cause we are Muppet wizards and witches!" Alan ran off stage screaming in terror, and Herpiggy Granger was talking about not finishing her work to Floyd dressed up like Ron Weasley.  
  
.........................................................................................  
  
Back stage, Alan is back into his regular clothing and is readnig the script for the night's show. Piggy and Janice enter backstage and start to swoon over Alan. "He is like, so totally CUTE!" Janice quietly said to Piggy. "I know, I can't wait to talk to him!" Piggy whispered a reply.  
  
Kermit appears onstage and audience claps. Kermit, "Well, I know the begining of the show was a little out of order, but we do have some nice things comming up! Now, for those of you Alan Rickman fans out there, we have a special surprise for you near the end of the show.. But for now, let's just continue on!"  
  
*Curtain opens to unveil Rowlf sitting by a piano playing a little tune and out walks Sam The Eagle*  
  
"Rowlf," he started, "Why are you playing the piano on the stage when everyone is really interested in seeing the guest star tonight!?"  
  
Rowlf stops playing and looks up at Sam, "Sam, you are ONE mean eagle. I think you should calm down before you get your feathers ruffled up! Or you may even start to molt!..In fact, why don't you sing along with me? It'll be fun c'mon"  
  
**Nice snappy tune starts and Rowlf sings as Sam just stands there shaking his head in emberassment**  
  
Rowlf, "Oh, take a break from everyday. Just relax, it'll be ok. Take the time to sing like I do, and you'll feel so great. Just sing whatever comes to mind, don't worry if you fall behind. Just sing along, to this here song, and you'll be feeling so great. *speaks* So come on now Sam, sing!"  
  
Sam sings, "Oh, I don't want to relax at all, This boring, but to you it's a ball. Singing with you is so unlike me, someone save me, someone save me!"  
  
**Random Muppets come on stage and sing with Rowlf** All withuot Sam, "Oh take a break from everyday, just relax it'll be ok. Take the time to sing along, just try it out, to sing this song! LA la la la la la la la la la la doo dee doo da.. Just sing along to this here song, and sooner or later, nothing will seem wrong!"  
  
**Sam shakes his head** Sam yells, "YOU ARE ALL WEIRDOS!" **End song**  
  
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**backstage again** Alan is sitting in a big couch reading 'Great Expectations' when Miss Piggy enters swooning over him.   
  
"Oooh... Mr. Rickman!" She walks over to him, he places his book on the table and shakes her hand.  
  
Piggy, "Nice to meet vou.."  
  
Alan, "You're french?"  
  
Piggy, "umm.. Oui! Very much! I speak it fluently.."  
  
Alan, "Vous parlez français ?" (A/N: means You speak french?)  
  
Piggy, "Umm.... I'd love to! Where is the party?"  
  
Alan, "What Party? I asked if you spoke French.."  
  
Piggy, "Yes, well, I couldn't understand because you spoke to fast.. he..ehehe.."  
  
Alan, "....sure...well, I need to get ready for my big number.. So, catch you later.."  
  
Piggy, "I DO SPEAK FRENCH YOU KNOW!!"  
  
Alan, "Please don't get steamed, I don't think anyone's hungry yet.."  
  
Piggy runs to her dressing room grunting.  
  
......................................................................................  
  
**Kermit walks on stage looking in a good mood**  
  
"YAY! We have finally reached the next to last performance for the night. Gonzo will be comming out on stage to shoot himself out of a cannon--" Gonzo comes out on stage looking like he blew himself up..  
  
"Umm," he started nervously, "I don't think that's possible tonight, Kermit."  
  
Kermit was afraid to ask, "Why, Gonzo...?"  
  
Gonzo, "Umm.. because I accidently blew up half the room backstage..and my cannon was there.. now there is a big hole in the floor..But that's ok, at least people don't need to wait for the elevator to go to the basement..hehe"  
  
Kermit, "Well, then... The last performance.. BRING THE SHOW!!!"  
  
.......................................................................................  
  
**Alan Rickman comes out on stage in his black suit. He smiles as musoc starts..**  
  
"Why are there so many songs about rainbows  
  
And what's on the other side?  
  
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,  
  
And rainbows have nothing to hide.  
  
So we've been told and some choose to believe it  
  
I know they're wrong, wait and see.  
  
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,  
  
The lovers, the dreamers and me."  
  
**All muppets come on stage and start singing as the music changes**  
  
Alan & Muppets, "Pretty day   
  
Sunny sky  
  
Lovely pictures  
  
Dance in your eyes  
  
It all seems so right  
  
It all seems so rare  
  
Summer soft  
  
Sudden breeze  
  
Watch the wind  
  
Play tag in the trees  
  
The world is so bright  
  
So perfectly fair"  
  
**more changes in tune of song*  
  
All, "If just one person believes in you,  
  
Deep enough, and strong enough, believes in you...  
  
Hard enough, and long enough,  
  
It stands to reason, that someone else will think  
  
"If he can do it, I can do it."  
  
**more changes Rainbow Connection picks up from where left off**  
  
All smile and dance around, then sing, "Who said that every wish would be heard and answered  
  
When wished on the morning star?  
  
Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it,  
  
And look what it's done so far.  
  
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing  
  
And what do we think we might see?  
  
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,  
  
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.  
  
All of us under its spell,  
  
We know that it's probably magic...  
  
... Have you been half asleep? And have you heard voices?  
  
I've heard them calling my name.  
  
... Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?  
  
The voice might be one and the same  
  
I've heard it too many times to ignore it  
  
It's something that I'm s'posed to be...  
  
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,  
  
The lovers, the dreamers, and me.  
  
Laa, da daa dee da daa daa,  
  
La laa la la laa dee daa doo..."  
  
**Alan bows along with the other muppets**  
  
**End theme comes on**  
  
Statler, "That's it?"  
  
Waldorf, "Why, are you dissapointed?"  
  
Statler, "No, I'm just making sure I wasn't seeing things when the credits came on!"  
  
Both, "DOH HO HO!"  
  
........................................................................... 


	3. Bing Crosby and the Holiday season

Disclaimer: I own nothing but plot for this. The songs that I did NOT make up are in quotations. ( " )

A/N: For Natalie, who wanted so much for to go back in time and see Bing Crosby on the show. Here is your wish.

_It's The Muppet Show! With Special Guest Star Bing Crosby! _

**Bells Jingle and Kermit starts singing,**

_Snowy puffs of white, falling with delight, this is Christmas time. Hot Cocoa in a mug, Children bundled up so snug, This is Christmas Time. Sleds racing down the hill, Feeling the Winter chill, This is Christmas Time. _

_For This is Christmas time, time for family and friends. For this is Christmas time, time for love that has no end. For this is Christmas time, time for smiles and joyous tears. For this is Christmas time, time to push away your fears._

_Cookies on a plate, hope Santa won't be late, this is Christmas time. Singing Holy Night, putting up tree lights, This is Christmas time. Feeling harmony, standing with your family, This is Christmas time._

_For This is Christmas time, time for family and friends. For this is Christmas time, time for love that has no end. For this is Christmas time, time for smiles and joyous tears. For this is Christmas time, time to push away your fears._

_So wrap your presents with paper and bows, make that Christmas tree brightly glow, Don't forget to shovel the snow, for it's Christmas...Christmas time...again.._

**Hearing the uproar of applause from the audiance, Kermit bows, and clears his throat.**

"Welcome," He begins, "This is a special time of year, where we Muppets like to put on a special show for you out there. Now, this won't be a normal show, for we have too much planned. As you've heard, we have a very special guest star, Mr. Bing Crosby. So, sit back, and enjoy the show!"

**Kermit goes backstage and sees Bing sitting on a chair, reading the newspaper.**

Kermit starts, "Sorry to interrupt your reading, Mr. Crosby, but are you ready for your performance?"

"First of all," Bing smiled, "Call me Bing. Second of all, I am very much ready to go out there when it's my time. I'm curious though.."

"At what?"

"Well, this newspaper shows only the bad things that happen in our world. What happened to the good things? What happened to the good 'ol days when everyone aknowledged the miracles in our lives?"

"Miracles?"

"Yes, Kermit, miracles. There are so many in this world, and no one knows when or where they go on because of this newspaper. T.V. has the same effect. It bothers me. Why can't I open a newspaper and have it say 'Merry Christmas' or 'Happy Holidays?' Why can't they aknowledge the few good things we still have in this world? I don't understand it Kermit. I don't understand it.."

"Well, I don't know why they don't put anything good in there. Maybe they just don't know where to find the good things. Maybe they're too busy with the bad.."

"Maybe," Bing folded the newspaper, "but it still bothers me. It makes me sad Kermit. To see what we've done to our world. Why can't we all just be happy? I don't understand it..Maybe I never will.. You know what I want for Christmas Kermit?"

"What?"

"I want to see a newspaper with good news in it. Either that or a newsflash with 'Seasons Greetings,' or something to aknowledge the little good we have left in us. I want to see smiles..Maybe I'm asking for too much.."

"I don't think it's too much," Kermit started to think, "Well, I have to get the first act on.. Make yourself comfortable."

"Alright Kermit, I will." Bing sat back on the couch and continued to read the newspaper.

**Gonzo and Camilla sat in a red sleigh on the stage as fake snow fell and a catchy tune started.**

_Oh, it's snowing, the white flakes are falling, and you are calling, on me, chickie. I want to ride in a sleigh, hear the horses neigh, out in the snow I will play, with you, chickie. The ice skatin's tricky, but I'll hold your hand chickie, and if you fall quickly, I'll catch you, chickie. Because nothin' no nothin' is going to keep you away from me this Christmas, Nothin' no nothin' is going to reap you away from me this Christmas chikie, so don't worry, I'll hurry, if you're caught in a flurry, I'll scurry, oh Chickie. Oh, it's snowing, and you aren't goin' without me knowin' oh and chickie..I love you so, won't let you go...thought you should know that I'll hold you and pick you up when you're low, so don't feel alone! Chickie... Merry Christmas Chickie... I love you chickie... HAHAHA!_

**Backstage once again, Kermit is talking a skit over with Miss Piggy, Janice, Camilla, and other female Muppets. With Bing in his dressing room, and most of the Muppet gang now backstage listening to Kermit, he could now plan something. After plans are made, Kermit continues to talk to the ladies about the next skit.**

**The Muppet Girls (Piggy, Janice, Camilla, and others) go on stage while the curtain is still lowered. They get in position; All of them in red and white attire, with red skirts, tops, and a santa hat on. Slow music starts to play as the curtain is raised. They dance some ballet, and then a snappier tune came on and they danced around a Christmas tree that emerged from below the stage.**

_"I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need I don't care about the presents Underneath the Christmas tree I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true... All I want for Christmas is You... yea yea I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need (and I) Don't care about presents Underneath the Christmas tree I don't need to hang my stocking There upon the fireplace Santa Claus won't make me happy With a toy on Christmas day I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true All I want for Christmas is you... You baby Oh I won't ask for much this Christmas I won't even wish for snow (and I) I'm just gonna keep on waiting Underneath the mistletoe I won't make a list and send it To the North Pole for Saint Nick I won't even stay awake to Hear those magic reindeer click 'Cause I just want you here tonight Holding on to me so tight What more can I do Baby all I want for Christmas is you You baby All the lights are shining So brightly everywhere (so brightly yea) And the sound of children's Laughter fills the air And everyone is singing (oh yea) I hear those sleigh bells ringing Santa won't you bring me the one I really need - won't you please bring my baby to me... Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas This is all I'm asking for I just want to see baby Standing right outside my door Oh I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true Baby all I want for Christmas is ...Kermie.."_

**The curtain dropped as applause and whistles were heard from the audiance. The girls left the stage and skooter walked on with pajamas on him, and sat under the tree, pushing a toy car around. The curtain raised, and he looked around him. There were fake stairs over to the right, and decorations everywhere. In addition, a few chairs and couches were set up to give the look of a living room.**

Skooter sighed, "Man, oh, man.. If only I could meet Santa Clause. That would make my Christmas a whole lot better..."

Just as he said that, Fozzie Bear dressed as Santa falls down the stairs, gets up, and brushes himself off.

"Santa?" Skooter stood up and walked over to the Bear-Santa.

"Uhh..uhhh...Yeah. That's me." Fozzie fixed his hat.

"No offense," Skooter examined the furry Santa, "But you look like a bear to me. Either that or Santa hasn't shaved in awhile.. And I mean a _long_ while."

Fozzie shot a glance at Skooter, "I have too shaved. Anyways, I heard that you wanted to see me so here I am. Normally, I wouldn't visit little children, but I thought maybe one wouldn't hurt. So, do you like your toys this year?"

"Oh yes, I do."

"Good.."

"Why did you fall downstairs? Wouldn't you have gone through the chimeney?"

"Well, yes, but you put the fireplace on. And I wasn't about to burn my poor fur off."

"Fur?"

"You know what I mean," Fozzie scratched his fur, "It's a figure of speech."

"For what?"

"....So, do you think you've been a good boy this year?"

"Obviously, if you gave me presents.."

"Yeah I know..I was just changing the subject," Fozzie mumbled.

"Huh?"

"Nothing.. I better be on my way. Pleanty of more people to give gifts to. Have a great night. Merry Christmas Skooter."

"Thanks Santa...Merry Christmas."

Fozzie looked at the stairs, "I think I'll use the door this time.."

"Smart idea," Skooter agreed.

**The curtains closed and clapping was heard once again. Up in the audiance balcony sat Statler and Waldorf.**

"Was that the end of the skit?" Waldorf asked.

"Uhh.. I think so.." Statler yawned, "It was pretty boring.."

Waldorf agreed, "Yep.. It was so boring, I fell asleep in my sleep."

"It was so boring, My Pacemaker stopped."

"It was horrible.."

"Awful.."

"Boring.."

"Stupid.."

"Not the least bit funny."

"Terrible.."

"It tortured me."

"What were we talking about again?" Statler questioned.

"I have no idea."

**Once again backstage, Bing appears out of his dressing room in a red shirt and tie, with khaki pants on. He sees Miss Piggy putting up some _mistletoe_, humming White Christmas. She starts to sing it, not realizing Bing walks over, and starts to sing along with her.**

_"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas  
Just like the ones I used to know  
Where the treetops glisten  
and children listen  
To hear sleigh bells in the snow._

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas  
With every Christmas card I write  
May your days be merry and bright  
And may all your Christmases be white.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas  
With every Christmas card I write  
May your days be merry and bright  
And may all your Christmases be white."

**Piggy wipes a tear from her eye and turns to Bing.**

"Thank you....You made moi's Christmas." She turned back around and made sure the mistletoe was hanging correctly.

"Your welcome," Bing smiles, "Anything to make a friend happy on Christmas."

**Bing exits the room and Kermit enters, frustrated that Gonzo accidentally let his chickens loose..._All_ of the chickens. Piggy tries to talk to Kermit, and there is so much noise that Kermit yells, "QUIET!"**

"Gonzo," Kermit orders, "Take your chickens and put them back in their room. Piggy, what do you want?"

Taken in awe by Kermit's irritability, she acts as nicely as possible, "Kermie, I've hung the mistletoe..Would you like to test run it with me?"

"Not now Piggy, I'm very busy.. Which way did Bing go?"

"Hmm...I think he went to his room, Kermie.."

"Thanks."

**Kermit heads towards Bing's room to make sure no chickens ran into his dressing room. Inside we find Bing sitting on a stool talking with a chicken.**

"Well, I've never experienced a chicken's Christmas...What's that like?" Bing sounded interested.

_The chicken clucks a few times, pausing here and there._

"Wow," Bing sees Kermit walk in, "That's really ....different... but...I like it..Everyone-everything has it's own way of celebrating. That's what makes the holiday so special..Having so many different ways of celebrating..It's so beautiful."

"Carrina," Kermit cought the chickens attention, "Would you please go back with Gonzo and the chickens. I think they're in his room."

Carrina the chiken struts out of the room and Kermit appologizes to Bing for the interruption.

"That's alright, Kermit. I was just about to change for the skit though, so would you make sure no one else tries to come in?"

"Certainly," Kermit nods his head and leaves.

**Backstage still, Kermit slowly passes by the spot where Piggy hung the mistletoe. She spots her green frog, and calls his name. Surprisingly, he doesn't notice he is standing next to her under the mistletoe.**

"Kermie," Piggy says innocently, "look over your head...Mistletoe..."

Scared to look above, Kermit replies, "Piggy, I have no time for this silly mistletoe game...Every year you hang it up and attack me! Every year you succeed in getting me to pucker up...Not this year. I know it's a tradition, but I am going just about crazy with all this Holiday frustration I'm going through. Please, Piggy, don't bother me with mistletoe..."

**Disappointed, Piggy holds in tears as Kermit walks away. She takes the mistletoe down from its hanging spot and tosses it across the room, where it violently hits Skooter in the face. He falls over, tossing a box of tinsel in the air, which flies overhead to the balcony. Gonzo gets covered in the tinsel, cannot see, and falls over the balcony, onto Skooter. Getting up, Piggy looks shocked.**

"Wow, that was AWESOME!" Gonzo yells.

Shaking her head, Piggy states, "See what trouble mistletoe causes...First your frog turns against you, then tinsel causes injuries...What next, Jealous Christmas trees?"

**As if Piggy jinxed something, a walking, talking Christmas tree enters the room and starts to scream at a talking present behind him. The tree shouts that the present stole all of the tree's fame and glory, and that no one cared about the simple things anymore.**

"Umm," Piggy grunts, "Whadya know, a jealous Christmas tree..."

**Back on stage now, Kermit is reciting _The Night Before Christmas_. At the end, Bing Crosby comes onto the stage dressed in a Santa suit, but no beard. He and Kermit wait as a slow song is heard. They start to sing _Little Drummer Boy,_ and the curtains open up. On stage (in back of Bing and Kermit) are most of the male muppets playing drums, while the females performed ballet. The tune of the song changed into a song from the _Nutcracker, _and Bing and Kermit moved to the right side of the stage, but still in front. When the instrumental music stopped, another tune came up, and the male muppets put their drums down. The female muppets continued to twirl around and dance. The males took a female dance partner and they all started to ballroom dance. Kermit joined as he took Piggy to dance. Bing started to sing _Holly Jolly Christmas_. **

**When the song was finished, The Muppets and Bing joined in the middle of the stage where the giant Chjristmas tree slowly rose from below it. Kermit took a present which was next to the tree and handed it to Bing.**

"Bing, this present is from all of us Muppets to you!" Kermit announced.

Opening the flat gift, Bing was in awe. "A newspaper?" He opened it up and read some of it out loud, "_Homeless shelter raises ten hundred dollars...Chidren's Hospital saved from being closed... Church choir is heard across nation... Lost puppy is found and is healthy..._" Closing the paper, Bing reads the front headline, "**Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays..**"

"It's a newspaper with nothing but good news." Kermit admitted.

Letting out a cheer of joy, Bing grabbed Kermit and hugged him. "Kermit, you made my Christmas...This is the best gift I have ever received...I'm guessing you and the other Muppets made this?"

Kermit nodded, Bing hugged him again, and held onto the paper.

"..and...Piggy.." Kermit took Piggy's hand and pulled her close. A ball of mistletoe lowered itself from the ceiling. "..I appologize for before..." Without any other words, Kermit kissed Piggy on the lips and she blushed. (Pig blush? hahaha)

**Music started as Kermit and Piggy parted their little kiss. Bing, and the Muppets all sang _Deck the Halls, Feliz Navidad, _and_ Jingle Bell Rock. _Running across the stage was the 'jealous Christmas tree' and the 'live present' which sent out a blast of laughter from the audience. **

"Well, everybody, that's our show! Have a wonderful holiday season!" Kermit shouted.

"Wait, wait, wait Kermit," Bing blurted, "We can't leave without one more song...Hit it!!"

**Muppets started to dance around the tree as _Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree _came on. Even Bing himself joined the dancing. As the end of the show approached, glitter and balloons fell from the ceiling. The audience applauded and cheered as little children went on stage to join the dancing and joy.**

**(and even though they'd rather not admit it, Statler and Waldorf joined on stage too...but that's just between you and I...ok?)**

_Have a Great Holiday Season.... _

**  
**


End file.
